sOohhh my my my. Thank goodness for Jacksonville, Florida. Sales wise, Its definitely not the most ideal place to make bank. Nothing but crazy old Jews holding on to there precious money and lives. But, if you're lookin for a clean town where you can just walk around and have great weather all day long and walk into any ol' bookstore with a gay clerk and get your dick wet, then yah Jacksonville is right up your butt hole.
I'm staying in my own hotel separate from the cast this time around so I've had a lot of "me" time.(aka Jerk Fest 2009) No but really, this town really has a lot to offer. The downtown area is so nice. Its full of these big ass beautiful buildings that look old. Right next to the theater there's this little mall like plaza called the Jacksonville Landing. Its full of restaurants and cute little shops and ferry rides. I had some bomb sushi the first night I got here. But it was crazy. The Philadelphia Roll here is cream cheese inside of a California Roll. I threw a fit! I made them give me a roll with salmon and cream cheese, it's just the American way if you ask me. But the yellow tail was very fresh, so they made up for their Japanese boo boo. There's also this really good Mexican restaurant called Cinco De Mayo. Ugh I just realized for the first time how stupid the name is. STINKO De Mayo is more like it. I kid I kid. The food was actually delicious. Best chips and salsa this side of the Mississippi River.
I've yet to have steak. There are at least 10 steak houses located around my hotel...... and mama likes her steak. That's all I've been thinking about. Ordering a nice big 24oz rare top sirloin. AYE I CANT TAKE IT! My butt holes watering just thinking about it. I really should start to ease up off the red meat. My lil heart cant take it.
Ive also been reading a lot. I finished the book that Scott gave me. I started to read this book called "Watch Me" by A.J. Holt. I gave it the old college try and I actually really tried to like it but after 35 pages I threw it away. I skipped ahead and it just didn't deliver the goods. It was supposed to be a thriller but it was soooo slooooowwwwwww. There was no suspense, cum guzzling sluts, car chases, double penetration. Just not for me. Then I went into this little used-books store that actually had some gems. The store clerk was a 28 year old balding homosexual that had his eye on special little Latino with a heart of gold and an ass that just wont quit. He suggested a few books by gay authors and I was all about it. I'm down to support my fellow gay. So, I ended up choosing this $12 gay astrology book. It was perfect. Then he mentioned to me that he would give me 50% off.....I was like hell yeah. Then he walks into the back room and says "I can make that 80% if you'd like?" I was speechless. I grabbed the book and waited for his chunky ass at the register. It was so awkward. He ended up charging me $1 for the book. It was a good day for this papi.
OK. SO, Something pretty embarrassing happened to me tonight. I contemplated whether or not to put this up here but what kind of gay traveler would I be if I weren't to document every part of my experience.
I had just finished up a show and I was hanging out with some of my friends from the costume and hair department, and Jeremy. We decided to grab some grub at the local Hooters. DEF was not our first choice, but it was open late so watcha gonna do. All I had to eat prior to this fabulous meal were 2 fruit smoothies and 3 blow pops. So, I was already feeling a little funny in the tummy but i was starving. I ordered a Caesar salad and shared some tater tots smothered in melted cheddar and bacon bits. Yum right! Ohhh my GODDDDD!!! Biggest mistake of my life. But of course, I didn't realize the consequences of my shitty eating habit right then. Ohh no. That would only happen in a perfect world.
So we wrap up dinner and they drive to there hotel that's like 8 miles away and I start to walk to my hotel which is only .7 miles away. The longest .7 miles of my life. The walk takes about 25 minutes. I have to cross this long ass blue bridge, so I usually try to enjoy the walk by listening to the latest jamz on my ipod. But my stomach just wasn't having it! Half way across the bridge my stomach starts to make these funny little noises, and I'm just like "ok, OK......just breath." I start getting these sharp little pains and I'm like "DAMN!!! I gots to go take a shit!" But then it passes. Then these dumb ass shit head kids come up to me on their bikes and try to talk to me and I'm all sweaty and shit and worried that I'm just gonna crap my pants right here on this big blue Jacksonville bridge. My heart was racing. So they finally get the hint that I'm just not in the mood to talk so they leave me. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to get across this bridge and get home to poo. Then, I suddenly get another sharp pain and I'm like "Awww SNAP. This is it. I'm gonna fuckin poop my pants. I'm 20 years old and I'm going to have to walk back to my hotel with my pants stuffed with my booty filth." So, I ran like there was no tomorrow and got to the end of the blue bridge and to my right there was this smaller bridge that connected to the loading dock. I jumped over the fence and ripped my pants off and took the biggest dump right there under the bridge. ANDDDDD all I had on me was my messenger bag and my new Gay Astrology book. So you best believe that I tore some of the front pages out of that shit and used them as toilet paper. Then I cleaned myself off and ran home, jumped in the shower, washed myself for about 3 hours, then started writing this blog. I'm so ashamed.
I bet there are bums/prostitutes in Compton that have more class than I had tonight. I'm sorry I was so graphic with the telling of this tale but I wasn't just gonna tell it. I wanted to go all out!
Well, until next time. Lets see what other shenanigans I can get my self in to.
